What feels difficult (and easy) right now
From energy levels to dressing, here are some things that feel difficult and easy.
Hi everyone,
How have you been since we last spoke? I’ve been more absent than usual here, and when I started writing this letter, I didn’t know why but by the the end, I figured it out.
Reflecting on the last couple of months as we’ve fallen into summer, I’ve noticed certain things feeling difficult and others feeling easier. I’ll share my list with you here and, if you feel inclined, why not reflect on what’s feeling easy and difficult for you?
Difficult
Let’s start with the less fun things so we can end on a high, eh? (I’m also pleased to report there are more things on the easy list!).
Energy fluctuations
I’m writing this on a Saturday and yesterday, I spent a lot of time asleep. The culmination of a busy work week packed with meetings and the start of my period meant I was a bit broken yesterday. I did manage to keep my eyes open long enough for a cinema trip, but the rest of the day involved drifting in and out of sleep. Today I feel much better for it and eternally grateful that I work four days a week, not five.
My energy levels in general are seeming to peak and trough more intensely recently, perhaps because of the warmer weather, perhaps because I’m pushing myself a bit too hard when I feel a peak of energy. My cycle is also holding my energy captive with more force every month (a sign of ageing too, maybe?).
My energy levels have not been the same since the bout of covid in late 2021 that left me with joint pain and fatigue for 6 months. I’m still learning how to manage it, to be honest.
What I need to do, really, is start planning according to my cycle so I don’t end up in the same boat next month, with back-to back meetings. I also need to look at my working week, planning more brain-intensive activities at the start of the week and ending the week with admin-y, research-y work so I don’t have to spend every weekend recovering.
I need to listen to myself more too, easing off the gas when my body tells me to, something I’m usually good at but struggle when work becomes busy. Yesterday was a wake-up call, so I’m pretty confident I will actually do this… but I’ll keep you posted.
Sleep
I used to be one of those people who struggled to fall asleep, but once I did, I was out until my alarm went off. This has changed recently as I’m finding falling asleep much easier but then find myself waking throughout the night, sometimes struggling to get back to sleep.
I don’t have a plan on how to tackle this to be honest. It’s one of those things I’ve noticed but not necessarily done anything about. I have a pretty solid wind-down routine that consists of meditating, journaling and reading and as falling asleep isn’t the issue, I’m not sure what to do. Any tips welcome in the comments!
Therapy
I started therapy in April and it’s been really nice having this space, every other week to delve into anything I’m struggling with. We’re starting to dig a little deeper recently, reflecting on some of the difficult mental health periods I had in my teens and well, it’s not easy.
People often say you can feel worse before you feel better when it comes to therapy, and - yeah, I feel that. Difficult, but necessary. Right now it feels hard, and I sometimes feel an urge of “I don’t wanna…” but it’s that exact urge that was leading me to numb out difficult feelings, which is why I started therapy in the first place. So we persist.
Easy
OK, let’s get on to some things that have been feeling light, bright and easy!
Cleaning/organising
This is partly because cleaning videos on TikTok have me in a chokehold, but hey - it’s leading to me finding new tools to clean our flat and it’s bringing me joy, so it’s all good.
I’ve also been working through my ‘life admin’ list. A list where I add random, ad-hoc to-dos, like deep cleaning the washing machine, sorting the junk pile on the kitchen table and booking appointments.
In my calendar, I set a couple of days a month (roughly) as ‘life admin days’ and pick something off the list to do. It helps me keep on top of these kinds of tasks and the sense of accomplishment when a task is done makes me real happy.
(I shouldn’t need to caveat this but I will: of course Dan helps with flat-related jobs too. We split the daily and weekly cleaning jobs down the middle, and we both do the bigger random jobs as needed.)
Cooking
Anyone who knows me will know I’m not a fan of cooking. Recently though, I’ve been kinda… enjoying it. We get a Hello Fresh box each week and take it in turns to cook.
When it’s my turn, I put my airpods in, put on a playlist of songs I love to sing along to and have myself a kitchen party. It’s become a time when I’m not having input by consuming content or thinking about my day, I’m either singing along to a song or reading the next steps of the recipe. A mindful moment.
Alongside this, I’ve followed through on my promise to myself to mix up my other meals and have been experimenting with different recipes for lunch, breakfasts and snacks. It’s been nice. I do think the warmer weather helps, as I’ve been having fun with salads and frozen snacks, but I hope this enthusiasm carries over to colder months too.
Reading
I am in a real flow with reading at the moment. I realised recently just how much having space each week to sit in a coffee shop and read means to me, so I try to ensure it gets wedged into each weekend, no matter how busy we are.
I read every night before bed too, and recently have been opting for a coffee and reading on the odd lunch break when I need to get out of the flat and away from my desk.
It helps that I’ve read some really good books recently, like Still Born, Recursion, Playing Games and Seven Days in June. I’m reading Bellies at the moment and am so curious as to where the characters will end up. Give me a follow on Goodreads if you’re there!
Dressing
I always thought I was more of an Autumn girly when it came to enjoying dressing, and creatively I think I am (I love layers) but I feel like last summer, after years of struggling with what to wear when it’s hot, I nailed my summer ‘uniform’.
This year has therefore felt easy. It helps that I did a wardrobe clearcut recently too (a job from the life admin list!).
Loose, wide-legged bottoms paired with either a T-shirt or cropped vest and shirt, and I’m good to go. I throw in the odd jumpsuit too, for funsies.
I do need some summer shoes that are not my everyday white trainers, or sandals (is it cliche to want Boston clog dupes?), but other than that, my wardrobe feels good.
Somewhere in between…
There’s probably one more thing that straddles both difficult and easy, and that’s work. Since our manager left for maternity and I got promoted to be senior in the team, there’s been a microscope on our function within the company. It’s been necessary for the business, but it’s not been the easiest ride.
Along with some colleagues I’ve helped reshape the entire way we work as a team and we’ve been reassessing our objectives, as a team and as individuals.
It’s all positive change and truthfully I’ve been loving putting on my ‘managerial’ hat again after several years. So while it has been difficult and full-on, I’m feeling so proud of what we’re doing and the work itself feels ‘easy’ in that it feels impactful, creative and fun.
I’m also looking forward to these changes settling, so we can embed the new ways of working and find our stride. I suspect my energy levels will settle then too.
This is also likely why Substack has taken a backseat. Work has been all-consuming, and if it’s not that, it’s family stuff, seeing friends, future-thinking and carving out recovery time taking up my days.
Creativity outside of work has fallen by the wayside, but I know this is temporary. I’m already feeling some headspace returning, and being here now, writing to you is testament to that.
OK, I’ll leave it there. Thank you as always for reading, no matter how sporadic I am here. Let me know in the comments what’s feeling easy or difficult for you right now, I’d love to catch up.
I’ll speak to you soon and until then, take care.
Kat x
Sorry to hear you’ve been finding things difficult recently Kat ❤️ I think the wildly erratic weather has a lot to do with all of our intense energy peaks and troughs at the moment. I feel like I spend at least 50% of my days thinking about a nap! I found the post-COVID fatigue just unbearable when I had it in December – take it easy and let your body do its thing. And, I’m wishing you all the best with your therapy journey!
I feel like I’m just coming out of a long period of the wobbles. I felt super unmoored and unmotivated for much of the year so far, but my boyfriend recently asked me to move in with him(!!) and it’s strangely catalysed change and motivation for me. What’s feeling easy? I finally feel settled at work and really love what I do and who I team up with to do it! x
Ahhhh I recently read Bellies too. A very touching, moving & unusual story. Hope you feel more rested soon Kat!