Stuttering onward
Reflecting on the journey that was 2024
Hi friends,
How are you doing? Feeling ready for a festive break? Yesterday was my last working day of the year and I’m feeling incredibly grateful for the two and a half week stretch of time off ahead.
The year has flown by and yet things I did in January feel like a hundred years ago (any one else remember that I walked a half marathon?!).
I recently ran a reflective journaling session for colleagues at work and one of the prompts was to sum up the year in one word.
I couldn’t help but chuckle when I realised the word that came to my mind was in complete opposition to my chosen ‘word of the year’.
I chose my word for 2024 towards the end of 2023, inspired by the film Nyad. The film follows the incredible story of Diana Nyad who completed a 110-mile open ocean swim from Cuba to Florida at the age of 60.
In the film, Nyad and her coach regularly look each other in the eye and say one word: “Onward”. After I watched the film I signed up to the half marathon and decided ‘onward’ would be my word of the year.
I wanted progress. I wanted change. My vision board filled with grand travel plans and life plans (moving house! Pets!).
Standing here at the end of the year, when posed with my own journaling prompt ‘what one word would you use to sum up your year?’ My answer came quickly and hilariously: Stuttering.
It’s been a year of starting and stopping. Making plans then having to pivot. Reacting to situations instead of creating them. Background stress and worry bubbling away for various loved ones in my life.
The urge to move forward felt overwhelming at times, mostly when feeling stuck to the spot.
Of course, there has also been growth and forward momentum. I got a promotion at work and felt more fulfilled than ever doing what I do.
I spotted a backward slide approaching in my mental health by quarter two and went to therapy for 6 months to get back to where I started the year, a stuttering move forward, sure, but I consider it forward all the same.
We didn’t move house or get pets, but we did manage to keep our finances on track while navigating Dan’s redundancy. We didn’t do the big trip to Japan we had in mind, but we did travel.
We spent my birthday with friends in the mountains of Switzerland and then travelled around Portugal for some late summer sun and adventure.
That Portugal trip in particular was a turning point for me. It gently told me that we can have incredible experiences even when things aren’t going to plan.
What a revelation. Because, let’s face it, how often do things go to plan?
The words stuttering and onward may seem at odds with each other, but when you put them together I think it inspires something quite beautiful.
We may stutter and stumble in life, but we look each other in the eye and say ‘onward’ anyway. We keep moving forward. It may be slower than we hoped, the path may be treacherous, but damn - we can still have fun on the way.
It was this revelation (and a lot of inner work) that made me feel able to stop therapy. I felt the weight of expectation for what I hoped life would look like lift. I felt better able to handle the tricker steps on the journey when they came.
With all this in mind, I don’t feel ready to let go of the word ‘onward’ just yet. I’m going to hold onto it and I’m going to keep my little desktop vision board the same for as long as I need it.
It feels like a nice reminder that we don’t have to reinvent ourselves at the start of each new year. It’s OK if we just want to… keep going.
This is going to be my last Substack post of the year and I wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who reads it.
Sometimes it feels incredibly self-serving to interrupt your inboxes with my personal revelations, but I also know what it means to read something and to recognise yourself in it. To find comfort in the words of others. And I truly appreciate you choosing my words.
I would love to know what word you would use to describe 2024 in the comments and, if you had a chosen word for the year, do these words harmonise or conflict?
I hope you have a peaceful festive period, whatever that looks like for you.
Onward, to 2025.
Kat x
Thank you for sharing Kat. Onward was such a great word for you. You met challenges and moved through them. 💪🏼
My word for 2024 was becoming. I'd done The Artists Way in late 2023. I felt energised about grabbing opportunities and wanted to continue on that path. In hindsight, synchronicity summed up 2024. There were things I'd wanted to do for years, and when I noticed a whiff of an opportunity I pursued it. As a result I've learnt new skills and made new friends. As for 2025 I'm drawn to the word attune or attunement. I'm still becoming, but I desire to be more self-aware and congruent. In harmony with myself and others. I'm going to mull it over and see if it feels right.