On self-doubt and self-celebration

Hi friends,

How have you been? I’m pleased to report that since my last letter discussing a need for balance, I’ve been pretty good at giving it to myself. Time off, ring-fencing alone time and a lot of reading in cafe’s has brought me back to an even keel when it comes to my energy. 

This week has, however, been somewhat of a rollercoaster emotionally – seeing some self-doubt-shaped lows and sparkly self-celebratory highs. The podcast I’ve been working on for months at work launched and the first episode went live, and it’s been an interesting journey - launching something I’ve done before, but in a very different way.

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You see, when I launched my podcast, Seedling, I wasn’t too nervous about sharing it. It was an experiment, something I was trying. I also knew that most people listening would know me. They would be followers of my blog, or they’d follow me on social media. They would know what I was all about and probably had a good idea of what to expect. I was launching to a warm and friendly audience in that sense. 

This time around, the podcast isn’t mine… technically. The concept, organisation, hosting and the majority of the production is mine, but it’s coming from a brand - Happiful. It’s also following on from a previous podcast that had a loving audience. 

This audience doesn’t know me, they don’t know what I’m all about. The concept is different, steering in a different direction from the previous show. Would this audience like the new direction? Would they like me? 

It is still a bit of an experiment, and I feel very supported by my colleagues, but if this doesn’t go well - it’s not just going to affect me. I guess this has added a weight to the launch, pressing on me and making self-doubt splurge out my edges. 

While this self-doubt has shaken me a little (hello nightmares about bad podcast reviews!) within the self-doubt has remained a spark of excitement. The way we’re exploring topics – slowly, over two episodes, one conversational, one practical – excites me and is what I’m most looking forward to listeners hearing. This excitement has tempered the self-doubt as I truly feel like we’re doing something special here. 

So, every time that self-doubt creeps in, I remind myself of that excitement and I breathe a little bit easier. The first episode went live this week, a solo introductory episode that introduces listeners to the brand, the concept and myself, so they can join us in the excitement. 

I knew I wanted to celebrate this, so I booked a table at a fancy restaurant for Dan and I the evening of the release. We ate three courses, sipped on champaign cocktails and let the weight of doubt give way to celebration. 

It reminded me just how important self-celebration is. After all, it is nice to hear words of affirmation and congratulations from friends, family and colleagues, but taking a moment to celebrate yourself… hits differently. It’s a way of saying – hey, this thing is scary, but I’m doing it. 

So far I’ve heard nice things from listeners, which is encouraging, though I’m trying to keep a healthy distance from myself and any praise/criticism (easier said than done though, amiright?). I don’t expect everyone who used to listen to the old show to stick around for the new one, there will be some people who drop off, I’m sure. People who miss the previous format and host. But as they leave, space will be made for new listeners. 

It reminds me of all the times I pivoted my old business. You just have to trust that the right people will find you. So, I signed off from work on Thursday with a smile, noticing a happy notification telling me the podcast reached number 30 in Spotify’s health and wellbeing chart. 

Next Wednesday the first conversation goes live, one on resilience. Without giving too much away, we talk about the softness of resilience and the power of self-compassion, all serving as a reminder of how to cope when self-doubt tries to tear you down. I hope listeners will enjoy it, but I also trust that the right people will. This podcast has a role to play in the overall business, it is a marketing tool of course, but I’m thankful to know that under it all, it’s also just about helping people. 

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If you happen to give it a listen, I’d love to know what you think! Let me know in the comments. I’ll be back soon, I’ve got a couple of nights away booked for mid-September and I think it’ll be the perfect place to get writing.

Until then, take care.

Kat x