Hi friends,
How are you doing? I’m writing this from a rainy bank holiday weekend which is seeing me muse on the idea of connection. Last weekend (another bank holiday weekend) I spent time with good friends in a cabin in Hampshire. We talked non-stop, ate top tier snacks, sang at the top of our lungs and played many games of rummikub.
After the weekend one of our group texted to say her cup was full, and we all agreed. There’s something truly special about dedicated time with good friends. Friends that you feel safe with, friends who hold zero judgements and friends who know you inside out. Since then I’ve been thinking about connection and realising that I’m perhaps craving it more than I realised.
Connection at this stage of life (mid-late 30s) and in this time (post-covid) is a funny thing. At this stage all of my close friends are either married with kids, pregnant or engaged. Some are scattered, with one living out of the country. Getting together takes time, planning and conscious effort. And in this time, friendship seems to be taking a bit of a backseat. I keep hearing about the rise of an individualistic culture, which Wikipedia describes as:
“characterized by individualism, which is the prioritization or emphasis of the individual over the entire group. In individualistic cultures people are motivated by their own preference and viewpoints.”
And when chatting to Dan about it, he shared this video which describes us experiencing a friendship recession. Covid has a part to play for sure, as does our growing polarisation of views and values.
The weekend at the cabin made me realise how special connection is, and how I want to experience other forms of it too. For example, while I feel safe and welcome in my friendship group to discuss my life choices regarding not wanting children, a part of me has realised… I have no one in my life that has made the same decision. And I do feel a desire to have a space to discuss the challenges that can come with this choice with others in the same boat.
So, after enjoying the We Are Childfree podcast and interviewing the founder Zoe Noble for Happiful, I have finally joined their membership group. Next week I’ll be joining an online book club discussion in the group and later this month I’ll be attending a London meet-up. Consciously seeking community in this way feels really good.
Part of me is also keen to make more local connections. The idea of texting someone to meet for a spontaneous coffee feels nice, and not something I really have right now. There are a couple of women from my Pilates class I’m getting more friendly with and I feel like I’m slowly building up the courage to ask them if they want to meet outside of Pilates… but that also feels strangely scary (what if they say no? What if we don’t get on?) So yeah, I’ll keep you posted on that.
I did feel I had some online ‘friends’ on Instagram, and feel grateful that some of you have followed me here and still take the time to comment/engage. Interestingly, despite this craving for connection, I still don’t have much energy for Instagram right now. Sharing here feels good though, so thank you for letting me in.
And hey… if anyone fancies meeting for coffee in Guildford/London - please let me know in the comments. It would honestly be so nice to take some of these online connections into the real world, especially if you’re craving connection too.
I hope you’re having a lovely weekend whatever you’re up to and until next time, take care.
Kat x
You said the words at the end before I could get to the comment. Coffee - yes, sign me up!
I was just having this conversation with a friend this week who live up North as I whinged into a voice note that AI wished she lived closer. I travel to see all of my friends, but I do wish I had more local connections. No big thing, but just someone I could message and meet locally without having to consider calendars months in advance. But, have car, will travel for connection, so would love to have a coffee with you!
I know it's not the same, but it does make me very grateful for all the online forms of connection possible, and for digital connection via voice notes. I use those for daily and weekly connection and they both really have firm places in my calent and my day for connection too.
Thanks for writing this. Very much agree x
I'm navigating similar feelings at the moment and this was a breath of fresh air to read! Thank you.
I love that you are consciously seeking the specific community you need and I hope to do more of the same - you've inspired me to stay focused on it :)