10 acts that make me feel like me

Exploring what brings me back to 'me' when feeling adrift.

Hi friends,

How are you doing? I’m writing this on a Bank Holiday Monday at the tail-end of a week off work. The week was very low-key, involving some life admin, appointments, reading, playing the Sims and seeing family.

It was time to take a break and it got me thinking about what activities make me happy, and also - what makes me feel like me?

This string of thoughts originated from a recent Dear Huma newsletter from Huma Qureshi, who wrote about a visit to an exhibition and how it made her feel;

“And I felt, above all, very much like me, like the way I sometimes feel at my very core when I'm not worried about anything. I was reminded of how at ease I can be when I am by myself.“

So today I want to take a minute to think about what acts, big or small, support me in feeling centered, relaxed and most like ‘me’. The hope in sharing these is that it prompts you to think about what acts make you feel most like ‘you’.

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1. Getting in the flow when writing

Let’s get one of the more obvious ones out of the way first. When you’ve been writing as a way to process the world around you (and within you) for as long as I have, writing has to be at the top of the list.

It’s a very specific type of writing though, writing when you’re in a state of flow. This happens for me when I’m writing about a topic I’m curious about, when words and phrases pour out with little effort and time slips by unnoticed.

This is relatively rare, but I savour it when it happens. It happens sometimes when writing these Substack posts, sometimes at work, sometimes when writing fiction.

The last time I felt it was when I wrote about avoiding the catch-up trap at work. It’s a lovely sensation and feels like the best way I can express myself.

2. Reading in cafes/parks

I’ve always enjoyed reading, but I’d say I picked up the pace during Covid when our one-bedroom flat became overrun by books and I invested in a Kindle. Space was no longer an issue and I could buy books at the touch of a button.

I read most nights before bed, but I love it most at the weekend when I’m at a cafe or in green space when it’s sunny.

Getting swept up in fiction while sipping a delicious drink, or while a breeze offers respite in the sticky heat is just the best.

3. Speaking about a topic I care about

I’ve recently started more public speaking as part of my volunteer work with Beat, and it’s reminded me that when I care about a topic (or when I’m speaking about something I know intimately), it feels easy and enjoyable.

Knowing the potential impact (speaking to med students and carers of those with eating disorders) also helps by giving it a weight of importance.

Whether it’s this type of speaking or hosting webinars at work, when the subject matter matters, it feels good.

4. Freewheeling with friends

I struggled with what to call this one - ‘chatting’ with friends doesn’t quite capture it. What I mean here is when there is enough space, time and freedom with friends that conversation moves past the surface-level. When we’re relaxed, without time constraints.

This happens rarely, but when it does, we all become our core selves, at ease, honest with each other and ourselves, disconnected from the mundane everyday and truly connected to one another.

5. Dancing while cooking

I don’t love cooking, but the one thing I do to make it more enjoyable is play my favourite music and have a sing and dance while I do it.

Recently it’s been my ‘bangers’ playlist, mostly bands like Incubus, Bloc Party and Linkin Park, songs that remind me of my younger days and make me feel alive.

I forget about whatever’s happened that day, whatever’s on the calendar for tomorrow and slip between my headphones for a moment of pure joy and presence.

6. Exploring somewhere new

While I am a creature of habit who generally prefers the known to the unknown, there is something magical that happens when travelling and exploring a new place.

When Dan and I travelled around Portugal last year, I felt a side of myself reawakened.

The side of me that pushed myself on a plane to Thailand for a month back in 2010. The side of me that said ‘fuck it’ and went to study yoga and photography in Costa Rica in 2015 following a break-up.

It’s a small part of me and can be easy to neglect. That trip last year reminded me to nourish it, and this year, both Dan and I have prioritised it (with thanks to the friends and family in our lives having destination weddings!).

7. Watching something that makes me think

TV and film have long been loves of mine, from learning about mise-en-scene in media studies to snuggling up with a comfort watch to wind down after work.

Most days I give my brain a break with comfort watches (for me, first-responder dramas like Grey’s Anatomy, Chicago Med, 911, Station 19 etc.), but on the weekends I love finding shows and films that make me think.

Perhaps even more than that, I loooove the conversation that follows. As an example, introducing Dan to Severance and watching it together has been so fun. We sat together to digest each episode, suggesting what things might mean and what might happen.

The shared experience adds a different layer, but in the same breath I do love a solo cinema trip. Most recently I went to see A Real Pain on my birthday with just my popcorn and my thoughts, and had a wonderful time.

8. Short spine stretches at Pilates

OK, this one’s a little rogue… let me explain.

When I first transitioned from mat Pilates classes to reformer Pilates classes (using the machines), one of the moves I really struggled with was the short spine stretch. It involved lifting your legs above your head, using your core to hold yourself up and slowly curling down.

It made me feel frustrated and weak when I struggled with it. The move reminded me of being a kid, when you could throw your body into fun shapes with all the lightness and flexibility of childhood.

So, after a good few months of practice when I finally ‘got it’ and could nail the move, I felt that same sense of freedom.

Now whenever the teacher tells us to get into this move I smile, not just because I can actually do it, but because it makes me feel powerful - a hallmark of progress and a sense of being truly in my body again.

9. Going out for pancakes

Specifically pancakes with bacon. I’m not entirely sure why, but going out for pancakes feels like the ultimate treat.

Perhaps it’s because it brings me joy when once food filled me with fear? Perhaps because the sweet and savoury mix is like a celebration of flavours?

I’ve even written about pancakes in fiction. I’m not entirely sure why, but when I’m out eating them, I just feel very me.

10. Having an idea at work

This joy probably comes from a culmination of working in an industry I’m passionate about and having over a decade of experience.

This allows ideas to pop up somewhat easily and of course they’re not always right, but the process of feeling the wheels turning and potential solutions or ideas bubbling up always feels good.

Chatting to colleagues to figure out if an idea has legs is even better, getting together, looking from different angles, offering perspectives and collaborating feels all kinds of good.

I think using my brain in this way is part of what makes me feel like ‘me’, and why I do, quite genuinely, get a little excited to return to work after a break.

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There we are, a few things that bring me back to myself, whenever I feel adrift. I’ love to know what acts make you feel like you - please do share in the comments.

I’ll be back soon, thanks for being here.

Kat x